Day 354 - Round 7 or Not.

Today was supposed to be chemo, but it wasn't. I chickened out. Hardcore.

My blood work was good, so I was able to have the treatment. We made arrangements to go for something to eat & then come back in one hour when my drugs were ready. I was so worked up about the treatment that I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't eat anything & I had to go to the bathroom a lot. I was nearly in tears. Finally Jaco said to me, 'You don't have to do it today. We can come back another day.' That was the best news I'd heard all day. I was so stressed out about the treatment.

The crazy part was that I hadn't even received a drug & I already felt sick! My mind was playing some dirty tricks on me! Jaco went into the treatment room & told them I wouldn't be having treatment today. They weren't too impressed, but I didn't care. I wasn't in any form to receive a droplet of chemo.

We drove home & I slept for awhile. I then phoned Dr. Castillo & asked him what I should do. I called Andrea, the girl who had the same lymphoma as I did & who also did chemo. I read scriptures & a few parts from a book called Battlefield of the Mind. It worked. I came to grips with the fact that it really is 'all in my head'. Scary!

Unbelievable that a few thoughts could take me on a runaway train down a dark path. By the end of the day, I was ready to go back to the hospital & face the music. Don't ask me how I'll make it to #12, but I am ready for #7.

I had decided (prior to today) that I was only going to do 8 rounds. I was going to have my scan & when it was good (or bad) I was going to stop chemo & do something else. Enough already. However, Dr. Castillo told me not to quit, as did Andrea. I thought she had only done 8 rounds, but she told me she did all 12. Poof. There went the wind out of my sails. I was hoping to sneak out the back door before anyone noticed. Not happening now! Andrea also suggested (for about the 4th time) (I'm dense sometimes!) that I take acupuncture for anxiety. She did & it worked wonders for her.

Fingers crossed & prayers answered... Wish me luck tomorrow!

xxxxMJV&O

Day 215 - More Information

I met with Andrea today. She's going to think I'm a right idiot. I met with her last summer & pretty much asked the same questions as I did today. Last year I really didn't want to hear it & this summer, I NEED to hear it. 


Andrea had Hodgkin's Disease & was treated with ABVD. Her body didn't respond so well after the first bout of chemo, so they were talking to her about stem cell treatment. She didn't like the sound of that, so she did her own thing. It took her a good six months, but she's never had to go back for further treatments! 


She gave me all sorts of tips, hints & suggestions. It was a great evening for me, as I needed some reinforcement from someone who has walked in my shoes before me. I know we could respond very differently, but just knowing that she has been to the same hospitals & learning how the procedures worked for her... It was a big relief. 


I have some more homework to do & I realize my days are numbered, but I am anxious to do some more research & get crackin' on a plan! 


I left her house 1.5 hrs later & headed to CNF for some supplements. My friend, Zoe, was there & she's pregnant! I thought she was the last time I was in there, but I was too afraid to say something. (I made the mistake of once offering a belly shot to a woman who wasn't pregnant during my ship's Photographer career. It promptly ended any future belly shots!) She's due at the end of August... Phew! It will be a busy month! Krystle, Collet & Zoe! Krystle is having a boy, Zoe, a girl & Collet??? I think it's a girl! :o) Zoe is a sweetheart & I always have a quick chat & hug when I stop in for stuff.


My last stop was Greg & Madelaine's (Mom2). They were busy out front working in the flower beds & doing yard work. You wanna talk green thumbs... I think all Mom2's limbs are green! She always has an amazing yard & garden. Of course, we get to talking & before I know it, it's 2200! WAY past their bedtimes!! They both work around 0530-0630! Yikes! I boogied home & let them get their needed rest! Mom2 is coming to the head shaving par-tay & she is going to shave her head too! Whoo hoo! That takes the bald head count to 3! 


Tired & happy... sweet dreams.
Maria & Valentina
xxxxxx

Andrea & her gorgeous apple tree. She's quite the gal! Gorgeous & gifted! I stepped into her house & felt like I'd stepped into Scandinavia! Architecture & design are her specialties! 

Just the other day, Mom was telling me that Interior Designers ALWAYS work out of their homes. I snapped this on 17th ave.

Pretty little fairy garden!

Greg & Duke - what a handsome pair!