Day 383 - The Round 9 That Wasn't

This morning we actually had a mini-sleep-in. Usually my appointments are booked for around 0900, which means we need to leave home around 0700 in order to have blood work done & dusted for the appointment with Dr. Daly. Funnily enough, he doesn't come in on Wednesdays until noon. What's the point of sitting around for a few hours on an already trying day? So today we left at 1000. When I went to the treatment room to have my blood drawn, the Nurses looked at me funny. The treatment room was really full & they didn't have me on the list of patients for today. Uh-oh.

Yeah. We waited until 1500 to see Dr. Daly. Only to have him tell me that I wouldn't have treatment today. My blood count was good, but there wan't enough time or space in the treatment room. Well. Thanks for coming out. What a joke.

Dr. Daly had an intern with him. Bikram - from Vancouver. He asked a lot of questions. Jaco urged me to 'give him attitude'. I'm guessing Jaco got 'attitude' from his patients when he was an intern. I didn't give Bikram any attitude, I was pleasant. When Dr. Daly finally came in, he gave me my scan results. Well, part of them, anyhow. I didn't catch anything regarding my neck. I hope that's a good thing. As for my chest & armpit, well, it's good news. My armpit is pretty much normal, but for some stringy strands or something & my chest is .02mm from normal sized nodes. I guess that's good news! I didn't hear too much about my neck, but I think they want to zap it good with radiation. That will take a little investigating.

Dr. Daly told me that I have an appointment on the 9th of December with Dr. Balog, a Radiologist. Dr. Daly said he's my kind of Doctor - a man of few words. Great! So we'll get along smashingly! Fabulous!

I was mildly relieved that I didn't have treatment today. I was feeling horrible anxiety again. Nausea to the hilt. Not pleasant. They originally booked me for treatment on Friday, but after we left the hospital & Jaco & I spoke about it, we decided Monday would work better. Jaco would already be gone, but at least we could have a few more 'normal' days together. Otherwise, I would have to drive myself to & from chemo, as Mom was going to Saskatchewan with Ken for the weekend & I would also have to drive Jaco to the airport the day after chemo & then drive myself home again. Not good!

Mom had dropped us off at Earls to eat, while she ran a few errands, so I called the hospital & told them I would be in on Monday. Jaco & I had a nice meal. We were both a bit frustrated that our entire day had been wasted. We don't have many days left together! Gulp!

We drove home slightly discouraged, but made the most of the evening. Jaco studied & I did a bit of blogging. We talked about our lives - together & apart - and made plans for the last couple of days.

Here's to a wonderful three months together! Our longest time yet! I'm sure going to miss him!!!

xxxxMJV&O

Playin' around in Earls 

Creepy eyes on a slow shutter! 

 Sunshine!

More sunshine

Attempt at a slow motion video - hope it works!

Day 354 - Round 7 or Not.

Today was supposed to be chemo, but it wasn't. I chickened out. Hardcore.

My blood work was good, so I was able to have the treatment. We made arrangements to go for something to eat & then come back in one hour when my drugs were ready. I was so worked up about the treatment that I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't eat anything & I had to go to the bathroom a lot. I was nearly in tears. Finally Jaco said to me, 'You don't have to do it today. We can come back another day.' That was the best news I'd heard all day. I was so stressed out about the treatment.

The crazy part was that I hadn't even received a drug & I already felt sick! My mind was playing some dirty tricks on me! Jaco went into the treatment room & told them I wouldn't be having treatment today. They weren't too impressed, but I didn't care. I wasn't in any form to receive a droplet of chemo.

We drove home & I slept for awhile. I then phoned Dr. Castillo & asked him what I should do. I called Andrea, the girl who had the same lymphoma as I did & who also did chemo. I read scriptures & a few parts from a book called Battlefield of the Mind. It worked. I came to grips with the fact that it really is 'all in my head'. Scary!

Unbelievable that a few thoughts could take me on a runaway train down a dark path. By the end of the day, I was ready to go back to the hospital & face the music. Don't ask me how I'll make it to #12, but I am ready for #7.

I had decided (prior to today) that I was only going to do 8 rounds. I was going to have my scan & when it was good (or bad) I was going to stop chemo & do something else. Enough already. However, Dr. Castillo told me not to quit, as did Andrea. I thought she had only done 8 rounds, but she told me she did all 12. Poof. There went the wind out of my sails. I was hoping to sneak out the back door before anyone noticed. Not happening now! Andrea also suggested (for about the 4th time) (I'm dense sometimes!) that I take acupuncture for anxiety. She did & it worked wonders for her.

Fingers crossed & prayers answered... Wish me luck tomorrow!

xxxxMJV&O