Day 250 - 'Twas the Night Before Chemo & All Through the House...

Not a creature was stirring, well, except for the patient. Yup, it's 0200 & I can't fall asleep. I'm so tired, but I know what I have to wake up to & I'm not excited about it. At all. 


Today was the last day of my life as I know it. Tomorrow I will begin a journey that will forever change the course of my life. It has been an interesting journey so far & I'm sure that it will continue to evolve into bigger & better things, but I realize these next 6 months will be a challenge I never dreamt I'd have to embrace. I joked with a friend tonight that Chemotherapy was never on my Bucket List. Not even at the bottom! But I suppose if it will help me attain the things that are at the top of my Bucket List, then why not?


It has become blatantly apparent to me that although I am the patient, I am the one enduring the treatments, the side effects & the health complications, some people in my life are not ready to deal with MY illness. This has been a difficult acceptance for me. At the time in my life where I feel I need the biggest amount of support, the ones I thought would be by my side are the very ones hiding in the shadows, no where to be seen. The beauty of it is that I understand the value of support & friendship & I am grateful for the friends I do have that have pulled on their 'Big Girl Panties' & taken me by the hand. It is so touching to have people come out of the woodwork & fill me with hope, faith & reassurance that I'm not alone. Yes, the journey is mine to walk, but it is wonderful to know that I have amazing friends helping me take the steps I need to. The mountain ahead is high, but it's one step at a time!


Mom & I had a spontaneous photo shoot today. We went to town for some portraits with a local Photographer, Peter Gold. He showed us the photos immediately after the shoot & they look fantastic! I wanted to get a few portraits done with my 'old' hair & of course with Mom. I called Mom2, but sadly she was busy with work today. Not to worry, we'll have some 'new' hair shots when it's finally back!!! 


I came home & decided to tackle the bunkhouse for awhile. I keep a lot of 'stuff' in there & decided I would pilfer through a few boxes. Well, 2+ hrs later, I'd emptied about 10 boxes of junk, consolidated several other boxes of junk & cleared a few things out of my life. There is still a lot of work to do, but I've got 6 months. One box at a time! 


I also started laundry, but my sheets seemed to ball themselves up, with a nice wet towel inside, so here I sit, no duvet cover & a partially made bed. Oh well... Valentina is keeping me warm. 


I spoke with an old friend today. She had recently ventured to Kentucky for a photo workshop on horses. She has found her passion & her niche in life. I am so thrilled for her! I can't wait to see her work! I just need to find/pursue my passion & get this show on the road! My camera is twitchin' for some clickin'! Don't tell Jaco, but my dream is to spend every sunrise & sunset in a game park in Africa photographing wildlife. :oP


I also spoke with 2 other dear & cherished girlfriends. They both asked if they could pray for me. Of course I said 'YES!'. I appreciate any prayer immensely & I have compiled a list of specific prayers, as per Jenn's request. If you have a minute & care to take a 'lucky dip' & pick a prayer to through my way, here's what I'll be praying for these next 6 months:
1. The Lord will keep me calm & relaxed throughout my chemotherapy administration.
2. God will watch over me to ensure I  have little to no side effects from the drugs.
3. He will send the chemotherapy straight to the dark cells in my body that need to be targeted, destroyed & eliminated in order for me to live a healthy, long life.
4. He will send me Doctors & Nurses that are happy & positive & kind & the best in their field.
5. The Lord will heal me quickly & help me remain strong in receiving & recovering from treatment.
6. He will help me find & follow my purpose throughout this trying time.
7. He will make his presence & love known to me - Let Him stir my heart like it has never been stirred before!
8. May God help me to keep a positive & laughing attitude throughout my treatments.
9. May God guide Jaco here safely & swiftly & may He give Jaco the wisdom to care for me emotionally, mentally, physically & physiologically.
10. Frank is big, but God is BIGGER.
11. May the Lord take the darkness from my body & fill it with his light & love.
12. May nothing but goodness come from these next 12 rounds of chemotherapy & let there be a 100% cure at the end of it.
13. May God use me as a testimony to His power & grace & mercy.
14. May He ensure I eliminate swiftly & easily the dead cancer cells, toxic drugs & other bodily waste, leaving no residue of cancer or chemotherapy behind.
15. May He ensure I get adequate rest, nourishment & exercise throughout the chemotherapy sessions so I can finish stronger mentally, physically & spiritually than when I started this journey.


Well, wish me luck. Tomorrow is the big day. Finally. May Frank finally take that hike he's been meaning to for 2+ yrs. 
Maria & Valentina
xxxxxx

Get cher grin ready!

Peter in action!

Thank you Peter!

The last day as me as I know me.

Yup, here's a sneak peek at what's to come! (This is a new shade of shocking red that's not so Courtney Love-ish)

Day 146 - Boxes of Stuff

Okay, so perhaps I haven't made the MOST out of my time to myself in the house, but I have certainly made the most out of uninterrupted phone calls! :o) I used the chi machine more than I have in a long time, did some yoga & faithfully used the treadmill! I'm certainly no fit chick, but there's an inkling of effort there! 


Today I was just getting involved in my research when the phone rang. It was the Cancer Centre. I had asked them to call me & tell me if they ACTUALLY HAD RESULTS so I wouldn't sit there for another 2 hours & then be told nothing & have a lovely parking tab! I certainly wasn't expecting what I heard next.


'Hi Jill, it's (the Nurse) from (the Oncologist's) office. I had a message to call you & let you know the results. It's Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkin's Lymphoma. So pretty much exactly what we were thinking all along. Are you coming for your blood work tomorrow & appointment?'


Well, wasn't that just lovely! Certainly not what I had expected. I mean everyone wishes they would receive the call to tell them they've just won some big sweepstakes & they can chase their dreams. Never did I expect to hear the words 'Cancer' pop out just like that!


So, after I hung up & sat there stunned for awhile, I slowly began to process. Okay. Not such a big deal. I mean, before I answered the phone, whatever was in my neck & co. was the EXACT same thing as it was after I hung up the phone. Now, it's just got a prettier name than FRANK. :o) 


I told about 2 people that day. I really didn't want to let 'Fear' rear it's ugly head in the hearts & minds of the friends & family out there, so I just kept it hush-hush. I also didn't need the drama of 'What are you going to do now?!?' I wanted to enjoy the remainder of my time in the house alone. 


I decided to finally haul some stuff back to the bunk house & get it out of my sight. I also pilfered through some more boxes & it felt good to clean out some stuff. I love my 'stuff', but sometimes, too much 'stuff' calls for a little purging. It was a beautiful day & Valentina enjoyed sniffing around the bunkhouse.


I came back & began cleaning up the house. Mom wasn't sure if she would be back tonight or tomorrow morning, so I thought I better do a little tidying. Good thing! I'd just vacuumed up the wicker basket disaster & she drove in the yard! Yeah, I left if for awhile. It was only Valentina & me, what's the big deal?


So, tomorrow I would meet with the other Oncologist & see what was really going on. Give me strength to handle the words they say & keep my clear thinking mind about me!


Love & healing hugs,
Maria & Valentina
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

This could be my all time favourite photo!

Like she smoked in a previous life or something!

Friends

Yes?