Day 230 - Okay, So I'm A LITTLE Tired...

Holy cow. How do Mom's do it? I couldn't settle in to sleep until 0100. The alarm went off at 0630. I have heard of this hour before, but I didn't want to believe that it existed! I had heard crying & movement around 0330 & then again at 0530. Oh boy, I have a lot to learn!


Jenn left for work at 0645 & both kids were wide awake. At least 2 of the 3 of us were. Harrison is 2 & Heidi is 5 months. I won't bore you with too many details. Well, maybe I will. Heidi is a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed, smiling & content little girl. Harrison is a brown haired, brown eyed, little gentleman. They are incredibly well behaved - Mama & Papa must be doing something right!


We had breakfast, changed the diaper, bottle fed, coloured, sang songs (shhh, don't tell anyone!), watched Bob the Builder, played with Valentina & then Heidi went down for a nap. She slept for 2.5 hrs. In the meantime, Harrison, who is recently potty trained, had accident after accident. Me, not knowing the foggiest thing about childhood behaviour, figured it was simply because Daddy was away, Mama was away & here is this strange lady singing to me with her funny little dog... ?? We had a couple of #2 accidents. The first one, no biggie. The second one... Let me enlighten you...


After the first pair of wet undies, I couldn't find any pants for Harrison. As it was raining out & we would be indoors, I grabbed a pair of shorts. Then another pair. Then I finally noticed the basket of clean clothes in the living room. When I asked him if he was dry & he said 'No', but I could see the front of his pants told me otherwise, I thought, well, let's just change him in the living room. WRONG.


As I pulled down his undies to change them, didn't I just get an extra bonus falling out of his shorts. He was upset that he'd messed in his pants, so he was crying. When bonus #1 hit the carpet & I could see bonus #2 on its way down, I thought we better dash for the bathroom. Before I could pick him up, he stepped in bonus #1. As I picked him up, my hand cupping bonus #2 & his poor little bottom, Valentina makes a dash for bonus #1. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! We head downstairs, with the dog shortly behind. I put Harrison in the tub for a good wash & try my best to scrape the mud pie off of my hand, meanwhile I'm gagging & wretching with my back to the poor little toddler crying in the tub. We get scrubbed up & clean clothes on. 


I was really baffled, as he managed to finally pee in the toilet, but as I go to pull up his shorts, they're wet! We change them. No kidding, 10 minutes later he's wet again! Then another 20 minutes after that! I give up! Even the gummy bear 'treat' incentive isn't working! Well, Mama gets home & when I tell her the happenings of the morning, she said he's NEVER done that & she's never heard him so upset. (I'm thinking, oh my, I've scarred the poor child for life!) It turns out today was the day his 2 year molars decided to make  themselves known. Lucky me! 


After I knew that poor Harrison wasn't traumatized forever & he was happy to be with Mama again, I made a dash home & picked up my drugs, as it was time to start. I had to go for my ultrasound tomorrow morning. Unfortunately this meant I had to be in the city in the morning. Jenn had to work. Sadly, I couldn't convince my Mom or any of my friends to help me or Jenn out for a few hours. It was pretty disappointing, as Jenn's family really needs every penny possible! By the end of the night, she had to phone work & say that she couldn't come to work the next day. I felt terrible!


I decided to have a shower while I was at home, but before I even got in, I fell asleep on the bed! I woke up 2 hours later. Guess this Nanny thing is hard work! I drove back to Jenn's, but before I went there, I stopped at Safeway to pick up some Freezies for Harrison - just in case his teeth were bothering him again. Once I was back at Jenn's, we finished watching Alice In Wonderland. It was really good! I was so amazed by the creativity & imagination that went into it! Wow! By the time 1100 rolled around, I was beat. 


I hit the hay & that was that.
Maria & Valentina
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Peek-a-boo!

Valentina enjoys the house!

Saying 'Cheese' while playing the cars game on my iPod. Kindergarten.com has some brilliant apps to teach kids animals, transportation, fruits, veggies... It's a great distraction from boredom in Ikea, at home, wherever... :o)

My little action man!

Miss Heidi quite content!

Day 173 - Dr. Donato

Well today was the meeting. I had been anticipating this appointment for a very long time. Unfortunately I was at the end of the list to receive treatments at Castillo's, so I was late getting away to my appointment at Donato's. Not to worry though, as I only had to wait once I got there! 


His receptionist was lovely & much prettier than I had imagined. She was very helpful. The hospital was very clean & modern, much more pizzaz than any hospital I've been to in Canada. I learned later on that Hospital Angeles is where the rich in Mexico go. It's not a hospital for the general public. Hmm... That explains a lot! 


I visited with Dr. Duenas, the doctor who does the Homotoxicology treatments. He was also very knowledgeable & informative. Finally, Dr. Donato was ready for me. He reviewed all of my records & previous tests & scans, measured my neck, checked my pulse & breathing. We then sat down to discuss treatments. He talked a lot about diet & what a typical proper diet would consist of while I would be on treatment. 


He said I would see results within 24 hours of starting treatment. If I didn't, he would know that I would not be responsive to his treatment. That was encouraging! However, when the dust settled, as wonderful of a Doctor that he is & the promise of a gentler chemo, I just couldn't see a way that it would be financially possible. He was talking of 2 treatments per week for the first 3 weeks, and then 1 treatment per week for the following 4 weeks. At $1200-$1500 per treatment, that is nearly $15000 for the first 6 or 7 weeks! Adding to that, I would have to stay in San Diego for 6 weeks! The lodging alone would be atrocious! 


I left his office in tears, promising to be in touch with him, but knowing full well that I would never return to his office. Some things are just out of reach. I waited for the shuttle to pick Valentina & I up & it was back to the hotel. 


Naturally, I didn't feel like visiting with anyone. No emails, no skype, nothing. Jaco phoned & I talked to him briefly. I was angered when he said my progress with Castillo proved to him once & for all that Alternative Medicine doesn't work. I wasn't in the mood for any arguments & provoking comments. 


I went to Target to return the stinky puppy training spray, as well as the blender. Valentina rode the 'double decker bus' to Target, as I put the blender box underneath her carrier bag on the trolley. I stopped at Office Depot to pick up some tape, markers & stickers to prepare for the big cargo flight. I also stopped in to the beauty supply store to pick up some wax & a blow dryer. I finally found a portable travel dryer! Yay! As for the wax, I could have saved my money... As it would turn out, I was far too busy to wax my legs! Besides the eczema would have removed yet another layer of skin!


On to Target... I ended up leaving with an iPod Touch. It was an 'I Feel Sorry For Myself Today' present. It was on sale & iPods never go on sale. My best friend had been sharing with me all the wonderful tools she has on hers, so I thought I could find equal use for mine. If nothing else, a countdown tool to tick away the rounds of chemo.


As I waited for the trolley to return to the hotel, shortly after dark, I watched the shady characters flit about the trolley station. If anyone approached me, my plan was to show them my enormous neck & tell them I had flesh eating disease & any money or things they would take from me would inflict the same grotesque conditions upon them. :o) And then I sat there & sobbed as the reality of chemo slowly began to wash over me.


I don't think I have ever felt more frustration & more defeat. It's worse than losing the Grade 3 spelling bee on television, worse than losing the gold medal in the Grade 10 volleyball tournament, worse than having your heart broke by someone you completely loved who had just confessed they don't love you. At all. Nothing compares to the defeat. I have tried & tried. Yes, I could have done more. I can always do more. But why? Why didn't it work for me when it has worked for so many others? I wanted to badly to be a shining example of another method that WOULD WORK! 


I cried for the potential damage to my lungs. Never having dove the Great Barrier Reef or the Dead Sea. I cried for the potential damage to my heart. Would I ever run a marathon or climb a mountain again? I cried for the potential damage to my reproductive organs. Would I ever experience life as a mother or am I destined to be the crazy dog lady forever? Yeah, sure it gets rid of the lumps in my body, but what about the rest of my life?  Sure, the side effects aren't bad for everyone, but where is my guarantee? 


Pretty much ticked off at the world, I collapsed into bed. Physically, mentally & emotionally drained. Here's to a less heavy day tomorrow. 


xxxxxxx
Maria y Valentina

Carrie & Olga leaving for home!

Security Guard for some politician. The Guard was wearing a bullet proof vest, but he was more interested in the soap opera on tv than the politician upstairs! :o)

Day 154 - Speedy Gonzalez AKA Contemplate

After an exceptionally short night, I found myself somewhat coherent about 0900. I got up to let Valentina out & by the time I came back in Collet was up too. We chit chatted for a bit & then Ezra woke up. He was not too happy to be up - until he saw 'Nini'! 


They played & played & played all morning. It was fun to see the two of them getting along so well! I was amazed at Ezra's growth. When I saw him 2 weeks ago, he was saying words. Now he's saying sentences! My goodness they grow quickly!


Collet took me for a tour of True Hope. Dave's family has this incredible history of helping people with illnesses of all sorts. What began as a solution for bi-polar has evolved into, well, how about you just check it out... http://www.truehope.com I take several of their products to give my body the nutritional support it needs & I've heard so many amazing stories of the products helping people with depression, Parkinson's, MS, cancer, Cerebral Palsy... It's incredible!


I was shocked at the size of the office. Completely not what I expected, but it's always nice to have your expectations exceeded! My only disappointment... No Mac computers. Sigh. If they only knew that ALL of GAP Adventures computers are Macs & they have 5 concept stores in 3 different countries plus head office! Once you go Mac, you never go back. :o) (Just a little dig for the IT boys at True Hope!) Everyone who worked there was friendly & fun. I guess it feels good to know that you are making a big impact in so many people's lives, health & vitality! Bring it on!!!


We returned to the house & I packed up the car. I woefully hugged the family goodbye & made my way towards Calgary. (3 hours late!) I had called the Oncologist's office & told them I was running behind & could I squeak in at the end of the day. She told me to get there as quickly as I could. I left at 1500 & by 1633 I was entering the south end of the city. It took me well over 1/2 an hour to get to Tom Baker. Crowchild was at a stand still. So much for making good time! Luckily the Doctor was still there when I ran in! 


He told me to have a seat & wait. Wow. 3 hours late & I still get to wait! Imagine what the parking bill would have been had I been on time! :o) 


Well, I must say, he drives a hard bargain. I brought up the comments made from the previous week with the other Oncologist...

• Q:If I do 1 month of chemo & the tumors are gone, why am I still doing 5 more months of chemo?
• A:Well, we have to be sure we get it all & sometimes these cells lie dormant.
• Q: If you do a scan at 3 or 4 months & it's clean, why do I still need another 2 months?
• A: (see above)
• Q: The other Doc mentioned they are doing studies &/or tests to see if they can shorten the time/amount of chemo given. Can I get in on those studies?
• A: Well, we don't have any studies being conducted here, but I tell you what. You can do 6 months of chemo (no variation in the dosage) OR you can do 3 months of chemo followed by 3 months of radiation. We'll do radiation on your chest, underarms & both sides of your neck. 
• Q: Do I look stupid?
• A: (Don't worry, I didn't really ask that question, I just thought it REALLY LOUD in my head!)

The Doc also said the last 2 months of chemo are usually the toughest with the worst side effects. I'm thinking to myself... 'Duh! That's because there isn't any cancer left to kill! You're killing healthy cells!!!!'

Sigh. I then proceeded to tell him that I wanted to see my husband before I started chemo. Either I go see him or I wait until he can come to see me. The Doc proceeds to tell me that it's time to put me first. The cruise lines can find another Doctor to fill his spot. What the Doc doesn't quite understand is that Jaco would have to sign off own will, pay to fly to SA, get a visa, pay to fly to Canada & have no income while he was here & obviously nor would I! So the Doc says, give me his name & date of birth, I'll write up a letter & we'll send it to the Canadian Embassy in South Africa requesting an expedited Visitor Visa so he can come here. (!!??)

Next he says, 'Is money an issue?' We can put you in touch with a Social Worker who can put you on disability & get you some income to help out.  I'm beginning to think, 'Is there anything this Doctor can't do?'

Anyhow, he knows I'm stubborn & I want to think things through, so I politely tell him I need time to think about things. He tells me he wouldn't expect anything different, but that he wants me in treatment by the end of April. Oh please God let me find something that works between now & April 30th!

I leave the hospital at 1800 & pay my parking ($3.75 - not bad!) upstairs. As I drive past my Filipino friend from the previous weeks, I honk at him & offer a friendly wave. It's his lucky week, he doesn't have to put up with my coin purse this week! :o)

Exhausted from driving, I motor home. It is prayers tonight, but I don't have the energy to go. I am happy to be home, as is Valentina. I see Laura has called! She's back from Mexico! I can't wait to talk to her & see how things went... Did the girls have fun? Did Henk enjoy his time away from his 'other girls' (the cows)? How did treatments go? OMGOSH! The best news I've heard all year - SHE'S IN REMISSION!!!!!!!! AMEN!!!!! AWESOME NEWS!!!!!!! She doesn't have to go back for 1 year! Way to go Girl!!!! I'm thrilled to bits for her! She found out on her 8th Wedding Anniversary. I sure hope I don't have to wait until my 8th anniversary to hear those words!!! :o) 

Talk about a long day... Up & down & all around... Life is a roller coaster! Holy cow! I am about to crash when Mom asks me if I'll drive to Mossleigh tomorrow morning to pick her up. She needs to take Jeff her truck. Crap timing that is! I told her to ask me in the morning after I've had a good night's sleep.

Lekker slaap,

Maria & Valentina

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Best buds, enjoying breakfast!

Hangin' out at True Hope!

The True Hope IT boys. I guess there's always 'hope' one day they'll see the light & switch to Macs. :o)

Awh! What a gorgeous family & look at little Ezra's smile! Too cute for words!

Where would I be without my amazing friend? Lost.

Just a few questions for the Doc.