Day 354 - Round 7 or Not.

Today was supposed to be chemo, but it wasn't. I chickened out. Hardcore.

My blood work was good, so I was able to have the treatment. We made arrangements to go for something to eat & then come back in one hour when my drugs were ready. I was so worked up about the treatment that I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't eat anything & I had to go to the bathroom a lot. I was nearly in tears. Finally Jaco said to me, 'You don't have to do it today. We can come back another day.' That was the best news I'd heard all day. I was so stressed out about the treatment.

The crazy part was that I hadn't even received a drug & I already felt sick! My mind was playing some dirty tricks on me! Jaco went into the treatment room & told them I wouldn't be having treatment today. They weren't too impressed, but I didn't care. I wasn't in any form to receive a droplet of chemo.

We drove home & I slept for awhile. I then phoned Dr. Castillo & asked him what I should do. I called Andrea, the girl who had the same lymphoma as I did & who also did chemo. I read scriptures & a few parts from a book called Battlefield of the Mind. It worked. I came to grips with the fact that it really is 'all in my head'. Scary!

Unbelievable that a few thoughts could take me on a runaway train down a dark path. By the end of the day, I was ready to go back to the hospital & face the music. Don't ask me how I'll make it to #12, but I am ready for #7.

I had decided (prior to today) that I was only going to do 8 rounds. I was going to have my scan & when it was good (or bad) I was going to stop chemo & do something else. Enough already. However, Dr. Castillo told me not to quit, as did Andrea. I thought she had only done 8 rounds, but she told me she did all 12. Poof. There went the wind out of my sails. I was hoping to sneak out the back door before anyone noticed. Not happening now! Andrea also suggested (for about the 4th time) (I'm dense sometimes!) that I take acupuncture for anxiety. She did & it worked wonders for her.

Fingers crossed & prayers answered... Wish me luck tomorrow!

xxxxMJV&O

Day 236 - Ultrasound #2

Yawn. I'm such a Garfield. I wasn't meant for early mornings. A late night & an early morning appointment left me sleeping paranoid that I was going to miss my alarm & then the ultrasound. I woke up at 0430 thinking I'd overslept. I was surprisingly alert, but quickly came to my senses & went back to bed. When the alarm did finally go off at 0600, I certainly wasn't ready for it! I hit snooze until 0640 (yes, I did) & then rolled out of bed, rushing around. 


I left for the city just as the rain began to fall. It poured & spit & quit & then repeated itself on the way in. I managed to find a 2 hour free parking spot near the clinic. Oh the small things in life! I met with the Psychologist first. I'm thinking I shocked her out of her morning routine, as I was the first patient she saw. I think most of her patients are couples with emotional issues about infertility. Husband blames wife, wife blames husband, baggage from the past, etc, etc. In I waltz. Cancer. Husband from another country. No job. Living with Mom. Chemo on the horizon. And who said I didn't like to stir the pot??!! :o) We had a wonderful visit & she was very friendly & comforting. We talked a lot about Italy. Glad I'm not alone in my love of Italia!


Next up was a bit of blood work. I've been taking baby Aspirin to help thin my blood & it's definitely working. My arm looks like it never has before from the needle. Nice purple spot. (My injection sites are also looking a little 'funkier' than usual) 


I sat in the waiting room for awhile again & after it had been about a 1/2 hour, I thought I better check again. The receptionist said she'd check & see what was going on & I hadn't even sunk my butt into the chair when they called my name! Impressive! Apparently the ultrasound machine was giving them some hassles today.


I'm pleased to report that I have 9 follicles. Always dreaming of being an Overachiever, I was hoping for 12, but 9 is fine. I have no idea if they look good or not, but I guess we won't really know for a few more days. I am to return in 2 days time & take an additional shot in the evenings for the next 2 nights. 


The nurse came in to talk to me about my new prescription & it turns out her daughter just joined the Island Princess as a Dancer! How fun! I did my best to reassure Mom that her daughter would be fine & in good hands... She'll have the time of her life! It brings me great joy when I hear of young people venturing abroad at a young age to experience more of life than just university & marriage & mortgage & kids... I believe that travel is the best education money can buy. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fantastic to earn a degree & become educated in a field you love. But what if that field you love is in the south of France & full of lavender? :o) 


I picked up a Jugo Juice & a zebra print shower curtain & headed for home. I was planning on heading straight to bed, well, after a quick detour to see if the wigs were here. They weren't. But, I did get a lovely letter from a collection agency. Are you kidding me? I declared bankruptcy! I've been discharged! The cheeky sods at the Royal Bank have only NOW sent my 'account' to a collection agency. I didn't hear a peep from them while I was in bankruptcy... a friend reckons they are trying to double dip & get more from me! Good luck! I called the collection agency & the guy was pretty aggressive. When I told him to contact Meyers Norris Penny, he said it wasn't up to him to contact them & I 'better get used to a lot of phone calls'! Ha! I'll email MNP tomorrow... 


I was headed for bed & the phone rang twice. I just got nestled under the covers & it rang again. 10 minutes of sleep. Another ring. Argh! Okay, fine! I'll get up & deal with a few things. 


I never did make it back to bed before midnight. I worked on my Oncology notes & questions for Thursday's appointment, filled out a 9 page questionnaire for my Naturopath appointment tomorrow, completed my 3rd shot of the day and played with the dogs for a bit. I was supposed to edit Mom's day planner, but her computer was on vacation. 


My evening shot was a bit of a drama. I pulled out the supplies & the directions. As I'm reading, it says to administer the injection in your stomach. Nothing about the thighs. I'm not a belly shot kinda girl (just ask my photog friends for THAT story!), so I was pretty worried. I called the Health Link number & the gal on the other end couldn't really say. I called the Medicine/Herbal/Poison Control Centre. After being on hold for 10 minutes, I hung up. I was supposed to do the shot at 2000, it's now 2015. I call the IVF number & of course, they are closed. But their message says to call Foothills switchboard & have the Fertility Doctor paged, if it's an emergency. Well, I'm not really an emergency, but is there a nurse available? Nope. Next thing I know, Dr. Wong calls me back! He said I was fine to do the shot in my legs, as long as I get it in somehow! Phew! Good stuff! I apologize for troubling him & head to the loo to do the shot. If these shots were tequila, I'd be plastered by the end of the day!!! :o)


I'm not sure what I did this time, but again, I got a nice big lump at my injection site. I'm just not meant to give myself needles... Anyhow, it's done & dusted & only a few more days of these needles. Then it's back to the big one! Yikes!


I'm off to bed... Have a peaceful sleep...
Maria & Valentina
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

My dog who hates to have her photo taken.

Playing shy

Tolerating a kiss or two...

Day 201 - A Day In The City

Well, today was quite the day. I spent a good portion of the day panicking about all these little things that kept popping into my head… ‘What about this?’ ‘What about that?’ ‘You forgot about this.’ I was pretty much driving myself crazy.

I had a MUGA scan at 1030. A MUGA scan is a scan done to your heart to see how well your heart is functioning. Basically they inject you with a radioactive substance & then scan 2 sides of your heart with a gamma camera. They make a lovely little video of your heart & see what’s beating. It was certainly the lesser of any scanning evils I have had done so far.

As I will be having Doxorubicin as one of my chemo drugs (AKA Red Devil), I needed to have a scan of my heart. Doxorubicin is particularly known for weakening the heart muscle. I’m going to have to muster up a lot of love & keep this ticker strong! :o) I was a little concerned that the MUGA scan might interfere with the fertility program, but after many calls, I was finally told that the Doctor looked it up online & I should be fine. Um, so he googled my potential health risk? He didn’t know before hand? Comforting, real comforting!

The folks at the Nuclear Medicine department were friendly & easy going. I’d been there before for PET scans, but I was in a different section today. I visited with 2 of the technicians about orthotics, camera gear, children, falling in love on a cruise ship & few other things. They had me out of there with 6 minutes to spare until my appointment at the fertility clinic.

I had no idea there were so many infertile people in Calgary. It must be an epidemic! It was crazy busy in there! Both with staff & patients! I waited for about an hour until I finally met with the Doctor. Talk about the wind coming out of your sails. I am one day late to start IVF treatment, which means I will have to wait 5 more weeks before I can start chemo. ONE DAY. ONE DAY=5 weeks of postponed treatment. I’ve had time to deal with it, but I was pretty upset at the time. If only the bloody Doctors had responded to my emails & questions from the ship, I wouldn’t be sitting at this table hearing this crummy news. Ahh. Or if I had a few more hours notice about the previous day’s appointment! But! The good news is, they can help me & it can be done relatively quickly. Most people wait 1 year ++ for treatment. They are pulling a lot of strings to fit me in & I am very grateful for that. I have no idea what my Oncologist will say when I tell him it’s going to be another 3 weeks, but I suppose we’ll just have to work with it.

I’ll ask now for any prayers you might have to offer – that the IVF treatments go smoothly & swiftly without complications & that my body can keep the cancer under control for 5 more weeks without jeopardizing my health any further. Thank you!

I am coming back to the Fertility Clinic on Friday morning to discuss the plan. Fingers crossed!

I left the clinic & headed to Planet Organic for a few goodies. Then I stopped at Jugo Juice for a smoothie & then it was home time. The little doggies were very happy to see me! We spent a bit of time outside & then headed in to get comfy for the night.

I was quite tired by 2100, but I was still up at 2300 when Mom finally made it home from her long day in the city. We watched the dogs play for a bit & then hit the hay.

Here’s to a nice relaxing day tomorrow with nothing on the agenda…

Puppy dog tails & kisses,

Maria & Valentina

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sisters sharing the bed!